Marital Communication Issues

Marital Communication Issues

Candace Wafford

Athens State University

Marital Communication Issues

Communication is one of the most important factors in building a lasting relationship or one that is at risk for divorce. It is important to understand the meaning of communication, ways to communicate effectively, and its effects on a marital relationship. Communication is essentially how we exchange the various types of information through verbal and nonverbal methods. Language, facial expressions, gestures, symbols, behavior, etc. are all a part of these expressions received or missed in couples’ daily interaction with each other. This interaction is interpreted in an attempt to understand the other person’s point of view. Married couples have the benefit of proximity and time to understanding their spouse’s communication patterns. Couples often neglect to discuss important issues prior to marriage and are therefore at odds when this information is brought to light. The predominance of issues such as money, domestic violence, and infidelity as reasons for divorce stem from poor communication skills. According to Desperate Housewives? Communication Difficulties and the Dynamics of Marital (Un )Happiness, “Wolcott and Hughes (1999: Tables 10 and 11) report that women were six times more likely and men five times more likely to cite affective issues over external (including economic) factors as the main reason for divorce.” This is due in part to the negative feelings created from ineffective communication. Communication issues in marriage can lead to divorce due to negative emotions associated with lack of understanding, lack of mutual exchange, and inactive communication.

The first communication problem is when couples are trying to communicate but there is difficulty understanding what is being communicated. It is common for issues to arise because it is sometimes difficult to understand what another person is trying to communicate. Bach and Wyden believe that this type of difficulty is worse in the marriage relationship due to the “intensity and intimacy” factor. (Noller, 1135) Clarity is important when communicating because lack of clarity can be frustrating. This can lead to both parties being frustrated and wanting to dissolve the relationship. There are verbal and nonverbal cues that we pick up on during communication all of which need to be effectually observed. The verbal communication lies in the words spoken while the non verbal includes gestures, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and similar outputs of information. This can be the easiest to resolve because the mutual exchange already exists.  To resolve this issue, there must first be a frequent and conscious effort to understand the other party through observation. Counseling can be helpful in this situation because the counselor acts as a mediator between the two parties. This creates an environment of neutrality and low stress which can calm negative emotions. Also, counselors can share various communication techniques in order to establish effective communication between partners.

Another communication issue comes about because one or both spouses are not listening to the other. Longer the marital relationship are more prone to this issue. In this case, one or both parties have ceased to listen because of prior failed attempts or due to complacency. When one spouse fails to listen, the speaker feels as if their partner does not care about the speaker or subject matter. This can lead to continuous arguments that turn into negative feelings passing between both parties. Some people feel that they can’t ever understand another person and do not try to understand. This issue can be difficult to resolve because listening is the only way to resolve an issue. Counseling can be good in this situation because it eliminates most distractions and alleviates the worry of an argument ensuing.

Lastly, married couples can become complacent over time and feel there is no need to communicate. Even though silence is a form of communication, there needs to be a conscious effort to actively communicate in order for a relationship to be successful. Couples often replace face- to- face communication with texting or social media as their primary communication tools. Texting and social sites such as Facebook can have either a positive or negative effect on communication which is dependent upon the existing communication issues. Texting can be a good way to communicate when couples are unable to communicate over the phone or in person. This can be negative if it is the primary source of communication between couples due to the lack of voice tones and non verbal cues people pick up while communicating in person and over the phone. This issue can be resolved by the partners talking or partaking in outside interests and activities with each other. They need to communicate their affection, empathy, individuality, and courtesies towards each other verbally as well as nonverbally.

In conclusion, issues with communication can lead to divorce because of the negative emotions caused by difficulties understanding, not listening, and lack of communication efforts.  Resolving these various issues with communication can put a marriage on the road to success because the effort has been made to make things work. Couples need to understand that this is an ongoing process where both parties must be willing to practice the various techniques learned and keep the lines of communication open. In all cases, there needs to be awareness that communication is important to having a healthy and loving marital relationship.

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